So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
