Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
