it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
