Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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