I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize