i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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