Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
