She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
