so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
