how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
