oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
