I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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