I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
