Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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