the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
