I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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