I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
