He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
FUCK WHALES
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
