you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
