I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
