No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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