Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
