You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
