I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
