it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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