I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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