Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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