I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
