i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
