I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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