I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
