Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
