Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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