Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
