We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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