I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
