take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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