Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
