I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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