just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
