he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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