i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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