when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
