$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
