I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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