Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
