she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
