I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
