that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
