Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
