It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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