after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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