I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
