Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
