i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
