how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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