I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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