I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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