So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
