I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
